NYC Health Dept.'s Sex Tips Amid Coronavirus, No Orgies

The Big Apple doesn’t want its residents banging like rabbits during the coronavirus outbreak — so it’s got a set of strict (and graphically specific) guidelines on how to get it on during these contagious times.

The NYC Health Department posted recommendations over the weekend on how folks can have sex, while keeping the risk of catching COVID-19 low. For starters, they say sex with another person probably isn’t a good idea right now … so, they suggest masturbating.

If you are going to have sex with someone else, they have recommendations on who to bang first. The department says if you must, sleep with someone you live with, and try NOT to screw anyone outside the household if you can help. They also say limit the number of partners you’re hooking up with … which probably means no orgies either. Aw, man!

The most graphic suggestions come in the form of rim jobs (anus to mouth contact) and oral sex too. They say don’t eat ass right now — it probably ain’t safe — and if you’re gonna get slurped up by a partner … use a condom or a dental dam to reduce saliva swapping.